Olympus Weekly
by Sapphire Aquamarine
Summary: Athena creates a newspaper read by all of Olympus. Total. Chaos. Ensues.
1. Athena Creates a Newspaper

**Authors Note:** I'm so excited!*squeal* This is my very first fanfic that I wrote and I am quite proud of it if I say so myself. I will update as frequently as I can (which isn't that much, because I have afterschool classes.) So I'm aiming for maybe once a week, and I apologize if it's slower.

 **I do not own PJO, only the newspaper.**

Athena Creates the Newspaper of Olympus – by Athena

Today is a momentous occasion, for I, the goddess of crafts, have created the daily newspaper of Olympus. Since so many fellow citizens have been clamoring for information of the action on Olympus, it has inspired me to take up this hobby. We will be having news preferably once a week, but it may be more or less, depending on the daily action of Olympus. I offer you the most exciting and up to date news, starting now!

 **Comments:** J(All) L(None)

 **Athena** – I am so happy and proud of this titanic accomplishment. *cheerfully*

 **Poseidon** – Titanic? Do you mean the ship I sank in whatever year? Yeah, I remember it. The people on board didn't pray to me before the journey. Humph. *angrily*

 **Dionysus** – Phenya, why did you use such hard language? And why did you start this darned newspaper in the first place? Now all the chitter-chatter won't let me sleep. *grumpily*

 **Athena** – Poseidon, titanic = large. I thought you would at least know this basic language. And Dionysus, they're not hard words, they are sophisticated. *tiredly*

 **Artemis** – Good job, Athena. This will really help. *appraisingly*

 **Zeus** – Good work, daughter. Can you also include an article about the latest hot girls? I heard there are a lot in Vegas, but I want to be sure. I also heard that there is a website that can ship girls straight to you. *dreamily*

 **Hera** – ZEUS! What did you just say? *really, really angrily*

 **Zeus** – Ummm…. Athena, can I delete the comment I just said, like, right now? *nervously*

 **Demeter** – And add an article about cereal.

 **Athena** – Moving on….

Aphrodite vs Mariah Carey – Who is prettier? – by Ares

Weve all heard that the legendry Mariah Carey isn't just a good singar, she is also a faboolous looking girl. Now, compar the dimegodes to the most betifal godes. Who is pretier?

 **Comments:** J(Everyone except Aphrodite and Athena) L(Athena and Aphrodite)

 **Athena** – Your spelling is simply atrocious! For those who cannot comprehend the terrible spelling of the one and only Ares, here is another version, spelling corrected.

We've all heard that the legendary Mariah Carey isn't just a good singer, she is also a fabulous looking girl. Now, compare the demigoddess to the most beautiful goddess. Who is prettier?

Now, please place your votes.

 **Hestia** – I wish to remain neutral.

 **Demeter** – Definitely Mariah, because she loves cereal.

 **Dionysus** – How do you know? For all you know, she could have never eaten a spoonful of cereal in her life.

 **Demeter** – I have my means…..

 **Zeus** – Ooooo, Mariah Carey, what a babe…. She is soooo… *dreamily*

 **Hera** – Ahem

 **Zeus** – Um, ugly looking, yeah, that's what I was going to say. Definitely Aphrodite.

 **Aphrodite** – HAHAHAHA TAKE THAT MARIAH

 **Hades** – Actually, she's dead

 **Hera** – Mariah Carey, because she didn't CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND like someone…..

 **Zeus** – Heh heh heh, who might that be? *nervously*

 **Hera** \- *growl*

 **Zeus** \- ….. Hades! How did you get on Olympus? *relieved*

 **Hades** – I came to visit my DEAR family. Who hasn't visited me in centuries, save for Hestia. And I choose Mariah.

 **Poseidon** – Mariah

 **Athena** \- Mariah

 **Aphrodite** – MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 **Ares** – Totally my sweetheart

 **Aphrodite** – Awwwww, you are so romantic and sweet.

 **Hephaestus** – Mariah Carey, because she doesn't cheat on me like a CERTAIN SOMEONE I KNOW…..

 **Apollo** – Mariah, because she is so good at singing

 **Artemis** – Anyone who isn't Aphrodite is beautiful. Mariah

 **Hermes** – I'm not here

 **Dionysus** – Mariah, because she doesn't comment on my wine-drinking habits.

 **Aphrodite** – Psh, she probably doesn't know you. *sourly*

 **Athena** – For this issue of Who Wins, I think Mariah Carey won!

 **Aphrodite** – HOW CAN SHE BE PRETTIER THAT ME?!AUGGJHERIHEOAHR I HIOUIONCIORCUIOAMUCOIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Sorry for this temporary inconvenience. Aphrodite has been banned from this article due to having pressing too many keys and spamming the system.)

 **Poseidon** – Spam? I like spam. It tastes good.

 **Hephaestus** – There. What happened to her though?

 **Athena** – My job is done.

 **Artemis** – What did you do?

 **Athena** – I tranquilized her for the citizens' safety.

Ask Athena – by Athena

 **Dear Athena,**

What is the property of juice in the sentence, "The juice was very sweet"?

Sincerely,

Wise Dude

 **Dear Wise Dude,**

In this sentence, "juice" is a noun. It serves as a subject for "very sweet" to describe. And since the definition of "juice" is "the liquid obtained from or present in fruit or vegetables", it means that they are saying the liquid from that particular juice is very tasty. If that didn't help, please look at the 1000 page essay I wrote, which I attached to the back of the news.

Sincerely,

Athena

 **Comments:** J(None) L(All)

 **Artemis** – As much as I like you as a sister, you have really gone too far, Athena.

 **Zeus** – YES! Artemis is right. You have gone too far. And could you give me a personal copy of that essay. I need to use it for bedtime reading when I get a nightmare. *sucks on thumb*

 **Poseidon** – You get nightmares? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ZEUS GETS NIGHTMARES HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is soooo funny! *rolls around on ground laughing*

 **Ares** – You get nightmares? HEY WORLD, KING THUNDERPANTS GETS NIGHTMARES!

 **Dionysus** – You get nightmares? Care to tell me what they are? *wink*

 **Aphrodite** – You get nightmares? No wonder your complexion is so pale. Here, try some of my RedHot Blush. It's bound to enhance your facial looks!

 **Athena** – When did you learn such complex language?

 **Zeus** – I hate you all. *grumbles*

 **Athena** – All?

 **Artemis** – All?

 **Hestia** – All?

 **Hermes** – All?

 **Hera** – ALL?!

Maybelline, My Newest Product – by Aphrodite (edited by Athena)

OMG! I have like this new makeup brand in my honor called Maybelline OMG they are so awesome. So the makeup products include eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, face cream, blush bronzer, concealer, foundation, face powder, primer, lip balm, lip color, lipstick, lip gloss, lip liner, and nail paint. They also have a lot of beautifying equipment like brushes, combs, curlers, removers, and tweezers!

 **Comments:** :)(Aphrodite) :((Artemis and twelve others)

 **Athena** – Surprisingly, Aphrodite has very good language when it comes to makeup.

 **Aphrodite** – Why thank you darling! And what is fabulous is that dear Hephy made me a unfillable bag to put my makeup in. Thank you, Hephy!

 **Hephaestus** – Only because you forced me to with your charmspeak *grumbles*

 **Ares** – I could have done that any day, Aph, darling.

 **Hephaestus** – Oh yeah? Let's see you try.

 **Aphrodite** – Oh, I love it when men fight over me!

 **Apollo** – talking about makeup, Aphrodite, can you help me put on some eyeliner before my concert tonight? I gotta impress my fans. *flashes a smile, and girls all over the planet faint*

 **Aphrodite** – Sure thing! And while we're talking to you, where is Artemis? I simply must give her a makeover! *squeal*

 **Artemis** – Get your stupid Barbie stuff out of my face. I'm not letting you get anywhere near me with your stupid Maybe I'm Lying makeup.

 **Poseidon** – HAHAHA! Maybe I'm Lying makeup? HAHAHA! That makes perfect sense, because your lying by putting on makeup!

 **Hera** – YESYESYES! Give her a makeover! She needs it! *cue evil laugh*

 **Aphrodite** – I would love to, but she just ran away to Tokyo. *sigh* But while we're on this topic, how about I give my dear queen a makeover?

 **Hera** – ….

 **Hermes** – Aphrodite, can I have a makeover? I have a date with my dear Stella at eight.

 **Aphrodite** – Sure thing!

 **Hades** – Persephone wants to purchase some dark purple eye shadow and eye liner from you.

 **Demeter** – You liar! My sweet baby would never even consider putting on makeup, you moron! And while we're on that topic, she would naturally get a summer green for makeup instead.

 **Hades** – Excuse me?!

 **Artemis** – Is she gone yet?


	2. Hera Gets Really Mad

Hera gets really mad – by anonamus

One dey, Hera was waking camy in the gerdan when she saw me.., I mean Zeus agen and sterted naging me….um, Zeus. So Zeus got like rely mad and like blated her apart with the Master Bolt. Then she went to Terteras. And becas Zeus was a kind and helful god, he brought Hera back to life and they kised and were like, "I luv yu."

 **Comments:** J(Ares, Aphrodite, Poseidon) L(Zeus, Hera, Athena)

 **Poseidon** – HAHAHA, _hell_ ful is right! HAHAHA

 **Zeus** – Yeah, don't you know? Helful means being nice and caring. See, even I know this. *snorts*

 **Hermes** – I'm pretty sure it's "helpful"

 **Athena** – Though I must admit it was a lovely fiction story, save for the ending, the spelling is still atrocious. Honestly though, you would think that no one knows how to spell.

One day, Hera was walking calmly in the garden when she saw me.., I mean Zeus again and started nagging me….um, Zeus. So Zeus got like really mad and like blasted her apart with the Master Bolt. Then she went to Tartarus. And because Zeus was a kind and helpful god, he brought Hera back to life and they kissed and were like, "I love you."

 **Apollo** – Father, this is a really low blow, even for you.

 **Zeus** – Whadda mean? I don't know who wrote this thing.

 **Poseidon** – You'd better have proof, because Hera is about to go nuclear on you.

 **Hera** – ZEUS!AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGG

 **Hermes** – Zeus, I came to deliver a package from Hera.

 **Zeus** – What is it?

 **Hermes** – Here. *hands letter and two boxes to Zeus and promptly runs off*

 **Ares** – What's in there?

 **Zeus** – The letter says, "Go to Hades."

 **Hades** – Please don't. Stay where you are.

 **Demeter** – What's in the box?

 **Zeus** – I don't know. *opens* Hey, it's a book that says…

 **Poseidon** – HAHAHA! LOL!

 **Artemis** – It says The Book to Staying Faithful – For Dummies

 **Apollo** – Hey, what's in the other box?

 **Zeus** \- *opens box*

 **Ares** – It's a bomb! Everyone duck and cover!

*Bomb blows up*

 **Zeus** – Ungggggg *faints*

 **Hera** –HAHAHA, serves him right!

Goods Reads – by Athena

Hello fellow gods and goddesses! This is Athena. I have decided to make a news about the good fanfiction there are! Now, fanfiction is a website where people go post stories about books! However, reader beware, for there are deadly fanfictions with terrible grammer inside them! So, today's recommended fanfiction is….drumroll please…The Plea of Apollo (& many Solangelo one-shots) by bluelove22! Please read this fanfiction and tell me if you enjoyed it!

 **(AN : This is a real fanfiction that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO amazing! I love it and please check it out! It is Will and Nico, so if you don't like the pairing, then whatever! )**

 **Apollo** – What is this? I recognize my son's last name, Will Solace. Hmmm…. I hope whoever the other person is, has a smoking hot body! Wait, nevermind, if she has a hot bod, then I can't flirt with her! *grumbles*

 **Aphrodite** – Don't be silly, your son is gay!

 **Apollo** – WHAT!?

 **Hestia –** WHOOO! Solangelo forever!

*All the gods stare at her like she's crazy*

 **Hestia** – What?

 **Aphrodite** – YAY! Solangelo forever! They are sooooo cute! Dark and light, Hades and Apollo! Jfeiwoah fisanifnanfmipamfip *goes into denial*

 **Apollo** – Hmm, my son with that Hades spawn? Not a bad combination I guess. I'll allow it. *Takes out Solangelo banner that he ordered from Ebay* SOLANGELO! WHOOOHOOO!

 **Zeus** – As long as it's not my daughter

 **Poseidon** – Or my son

*everybody starts cheering for no apparent reason*

 **Hades** – WAIT! Why do you think I would allow _my_ wonderful son with that…. Thing?

*cricket chirps*

 **Apollo** – WHAT did you just call my son?

 **Hades** – Oh, did you not hear me clearly enough? I just called the thing a IMBECELLIC MORON!

 **Apollo** – OH NO YOU DIDN'T! *screeches*

 **Hades** – Your son was always too bright for my precious son!

 **Apollo** – Your son was always too dark!

 **Hades** – Your son is too cheery!

 **Apollo** – Oh yeah? At least he doesn't have an obsession with MCDONALDS!

 **Hades** – OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

 **Apollo** – OH YEAH I JUST DID!

 **Ares** – Oh BUUURN! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

 **Hades** – YOUR SON IS EVEN WORSE THAN THAT POSEIDON SPAWN!

 **Poseidon** – What do you mean by EVEN WORSE? My son is a very noble man, unlike SOME people's daughter.

 **Zeus** – WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

 **Poseidon** – I SAID THAT YOUR DAUGHTER THALIA IS STUPID!

 **Zeus** – OH IT IS ON!

 **Hera** – I agree with Poseidon! YOU CHEAT TOO MUCH!

 **Dionysus** – I want wine!

 **Zeus** – You can't have wine, imbecile! AUGG! You're all worse that Typhon!

 **All** – EX-CUSE ME?!

 **Apollo** – I thought I was arguing with Hades.

 **Hades** – Yeah, but I forgot what we were arguing about.

 **Apollo** – Me too. Wanna rest and start again in ten mins?

 **Hades** – It is on!


	3. Yay! It's Christmas!

**Authors Note:** Heeeey guys! *nervously* Wahhhh! *ducks rotten tomato* I'm sooooo sorry for updating! I was on a reeealy long roadtrip for like a week and didn't have my computer with me, so I couldn't do anything. I'm sooo sorry! Thanks to **HELLOKITTY66** , **Demon Damian** , and **lolitathegoddessorca860** for reviewing! So this is going to be a special Christmas Edition because I missed out on updating for the holidays.

 **Disclaimer** :

S (this is me, the author): Percy, say the disclaimer.

Percy: I don't wanna.

S: Do it.

Percy: No.

Annabeth: Hey S!

S: What's up? PS, can you get this only-slightly-a-moron-even-though-Percy-is-a-moron-but-I-can't-say-that-because-Poseidon-is-going-to-blast-me to say the disclaimer?

Annabeth: I don't really know what you said but okay. Percy, do it.

Percy: Nope.

Annabeth: Do. It.

Percy: No. *gulps nervously*

S: This is a really good show! I should put it on TV! *eating popcorn*

Annabeth: Perseus Jackson, do it if you value your life. *gives the her signature glare, you know, the Perseus-Jackson-if-you-do-not-listen-to-me-I-will-throw-you-into-Tartarus-after-breaking-up-with-you one*

Percy: OK. Sapphire Aquamarine doesn't own Percy Jackson or the Heroes of Olympus.

S: No Percy, you're saying it wrong. It's the Percy Jackson _series_ , not you, because everyone knows that Annabeth owns you.

Percy: I guess you're right.

Annabeth: Aww, you're so sweet Percy! *drags him off to make out*

*awkward silence*

S: And I didn't even get the disclaimer done! *grumbles* Meh, whatever. *Goes to find some more popcorn*

It's Time to Share Gifts! – by Zeus, corrected by Athena

Hello fellow gods and goddesses! We are gathered here today to share Christmas gifts. A week ago, we had already drawn papers ( **AN** : I wansn't quite sure how to say it when you draw slips of paper out of a hat. Anyways, that's what they did. ) Now we will be presenting gifts to our designated people.

 **Person:** Person they're giving gifts to

 **Hestia:** gave everyone gifts, and didn't want one for herself

 **Demeter:** Hades

 **Hera:** refused to participate

 **Hades:** Demeter

 **Poseidon:** Athena

 **Zeus:** Poseidon

 **Athena:** Aphrodite

 **Aphrodite:** Artemis

 **Ares:** Hephaestus

 **Hephaestus:** Ares

 **Apollo:** Hermes

 **Artemis:** Apollo

 **Hermes:** Dionysus

 **Dionysus:** Zeus

 **Comments:** J(All) L(None) ( **AN** : When I post the article on fanfiction, you might see a J or whatever in front of name of the gods. Just for you info, the first one is happy, and the second one is upset/offended)

 **Poseidon** – For once, Zeus actually has a good idea.

 **Hermes** – If we're greek gods, then why are we celebrating a Christian holiday?

 **Zeus** – Poseidon, at leat I got ONE good idea, unlike you, because you never have a good idea. And, were celebrating this holiday because it sounds like fun. Okay, let's start giving gifts!

 **Hestia** – I made everyone a dessert tray!

 **All the gods and goddesses** – Yay!

 **Apollo** – I feel a haiku coming up!

*everyone grabs earplugs and puts them on*

My name, Apollo,

Is the best in the whole world,

I am so awesome.

 **Ares** – Ahhhh, the agony!

 **Hephaestus** – I think it's your turn, Demeter.

 **Demeter** : I can't believe I got Death Brat! But I got him a grain of cereal, just to prove that I'm a generous and caring person.

 **Hades** – A grain of cereal. Yippee. At least I put some thought and consideration into my gift.

 **Demeter** – What did you get me?

 **Hades** – I got you a pomegranate. *smirks evilly*

 **Demeter** – Why you little # $^* &! *jumps on top of Hades and starts clawing at him*

 **Apollo** – HAIKU TIME!

I am so helpful,

Artemis pleads for my help,

Like every day.

 **Hades** – Ow! Ouch! Ow! That hurts! Gods of Olympus, you have sharp nails! And Apollo, my ears bleeeed!

 **Zeus** – Oookay…. Moving on…

 **Poseidon** – Hello, Owly! I got you!

 **Athena** – Why do you sound so excited?

 **Poseidon** – Tsk Tsk, I thought you were supposed to be smart!

 **Hermes** – I have a feeling this isn't going to end well

 **Apollo** – I gotta feeling,

That tonight's gonna be a good night

That tonights gonna be a good night,

That tonight's gonna be a good, good night, ohh, ohh, oh,

 **(This is the song** ** _I Gotta a Feeling_** **by the Black Eyed Peas)**

 **Hermes** – Actually, it's going to be anything but that.

 **Poseidon** – Anyways, I got you a book!

 **Athena** – Well, that isn't so bad. *tears off wrapping paper*

 **Poseidon** – Just wait and see!

 **Athena** \- *reads the book cover* …

 **Artemis** – I think this was not one of your better ideas, Poseidon

 **Zeus** – I definitely agree with Artemis

 **Ares** – I'm going to leave. *runs whimpering out of the throne room*

 **Rest of the Gods** (except for Poseidon)– AHHH! *follows Ares*

 **Athena** –POSEIDON! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Poseidon** – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH *runs out of the throne room with Athena chasing after him with Zeus' lightning bolt*

 **Zeus** – Whew! Waitabit… How did she get my Master Bolt?!

 **Hermes** – Wow, she got your Master Bolt?! I have to learn a few tricks from her!

 **Hades** – What was that object?

 **Artemis** – It was The Book of Learning – for Dummies

 **Demeter** – NOW I get why she was so offended. I sort of feel bad for Poseidon now.

 **Apollo** – Poseidon must be wishing that he was me, cuz I'm so cool that Athena whouldn't attack me!

I am very cool,

I am more handsome than cool,

I am amazing.

 **Poseidon** \- *comes into the throne room, groans, and faints*

 **Apollo** – Uncle P, are you okay!?

 **Athena** – Nope, he's not. At least I hope he's not. HE DARED TO GIVE ME A BOOK FOR DUMMIES!

 **Zeus** – Let's move on to another topic. I should be going next, but I can't give my gift to Poseidon right now.

 **Athena** – Okay, it's my turn. I get to give a gift to Aphrodite. Yippee. Aphrodite, I wrote you an 100 page essay about how makeup is not beneficial to your wellbeing. That being said, I also destroyed all the love potions you sent me to try to make me fall in love with Poseidon.

 **Aphrodite** \- …Thanks for the gift. *burns the essay over a fire*

 **Poseidon** – Wait…ME…with HER?! Eww! *squeals in disgust*

 **Zeus** – My daughter….with THAT THING?! APHRODITE!

 **Artemis** – But…but…Athena is a maiden goddess…..and she's staying that way, right?

 **Athena** – Definitely.

 **Apollo** – The Sun is most warm,

Kind of like my biggest heart

I am so very cool.

 **Artemis** – You're heart is as tiny as the smallest pebble in Tartarus. And you. Are. Not. Cool.

 **Zeus** – Poseidon. You're awake. What a joy. I gave you a bottle of my Cloud Mist Facial Wash.

 **Poseidon** – Why would I wan't to bathe my face in that ungodly substance? My Sea Wave Anemone Extract 100% Natural Fine Mist Face wash is definitely better.

 **Athena –** Poseidon, do you have a dictionary hidden somewhere in the room? *very amazed*

 **Poseidon** – Humph. I do know most basic words, _Athena_.

 **Aphrodite** – Okay, it's my turn now! I got Artemis! OMG! I can like finally like give her like a makeup set so like she won't like have to look so like bad in front of like me!

 **Poseidon** – You just used like 6 likes.

 **Athena** – Poseidon that was 7, not 6. Honestly, can you even count?

 **Poseidon** – Yes I can! *indignantly*

 **Athena** – Fine. What goes after 36?

 **Poseidon** – ….. that is another matter. I thought we were talking about Artemis and Aphrodite.

 **Athena** – Don't change the subject.

 **Aphrodite** – Anyways, did you like the makeup set, Artemis?

 **Artemis** – I. Will. Burn. The. Makeup. Set. And. Vomit. Over. You. If. It. Touches. Me. In. Any. Way.

 **Ares** – Now this is no joke! Oh, the periods after every word are out!

 **Hermes** – Speaking of that, where were you?

 **Ares** – Oh, I was just beating up Pricey Jokerman. *waves his hand dismissively*

 **Poseidon** – Wait, you aren't talking about my son, _Percy Jackson_ , right?

 **Ares** – Oh, of course not.

*an IM from Annabeth pops up*

 **Annabeth** – Someone, Apollo, Poseidon, Mom, SOMEONE, HELP! Percy's dying and nothing is helping!

 **Apollo** – Don't worry, I got this. *teleports to Camp Half-Blood and heals Percy*

 **Everyone** – …..

 **Poseidon** – ARES!

 **Zeus** – Ok, let's move on.

 **Ares** – I got you, Hephaestus.

 **Hephaestus** – I got you, Ares.

 **Ares** – I got you an autographed picture of me and Aph making out.

 **Hephaestus –** …

 **Aphrodite** – Awww, Ares, you are sooo sweet!

 **Ares** – I know, right babe?

 **Hephaestus** – I got you a sword.

 **Ares** – AWESOME! *tries to pick it up but it's really heavy*

 **Hephaestus** – Ares, you pick it up like this. *lifts sword over shoulder effortlessly*

 **Ares –** Grr.

 **Apollo** – Ok, now it's my turn! Hermes, I got you a bag full of haikus!

 **Hermes** – Thanks? *shoves them into his bag and labels them "for Dionysus"*

 **Artemis –** Apollo, I got you rope and duct tape!

 **Apollo** – Why?

 **Artemis** – So I can seal your insufferable mouth once and for all! Who's gonna help?

*all of the gods raise their hands*

 **Artemis** – Great! *jumps on Apollo, ducts tape his mouth, and ties his hands and feet*

 **Apollo** – Mph! Mmmphh!

 **Artemis** – What?

 **Apollo** – Can I pleeeaaaase say one more haiku?

 **Artemis** – Fine.

 **All the gods** – NOOOOO!

 **Apollo** – YASS!

Do you think I'm cool?

Do you like my haikus?

I really hope you do.

 **Artemis** – The answer's no to all of those questions.

 **Hermes** – Hey Wine Dude, I got you this strange bag that just appeared in my mail box.

 **Apollo** – mey, vat ooks ke e ag I gake oo! (Heyyyy, that looks like the bag of Haikus that I gave you!)

 **Hermes** \- *runs out of the throne room*

 **Apollo** – I don't get why he's running.

 **Zeus** – Ok, final person.

 **Dionysus** – I got you a bottle of Merlot wine.

 **Zeus** – Finally, we're done!

 **(AN: Thanks to Hello Kitty 66 for writing me the haikus.)**


	4. New Year's Resolutions

**Author's Note:** YAY TO EVERYONE! Happy (Late) New Year! I was watching the ball drop on Ryan Seacrest's show! YAY! My New Year's resolution was to read a lot of books! PM me on what your New Year's resolution was!

Happy New Year Resolutions! – By Athena

Everyone knows that you have to make resolutions on New Year's Eve, so today; we are going to share some of our own, and the demigods'!

 **Comments:** **Happy** (All) **Upset/ Offended** (None)

 **Percy** – Waddam I doing here? *sleepily*

 **Annabeth** – You gods just couldn't wait?! I was drawing a blueprint for Eris' shrine, and you know how she is! She swore that she would cause another Trojan War if I didn't finish building it by Friday! *glares at the gods until even Zeus is quaking under her gaze*

 **Athena** – Don't worry, daughter. I'll _personally_ make her shrine myself.

 **Annabeth** – Ok, now I can relax! *relieved*

 **Nico** – So we're here to make New Year's Resolutions, right?

 **Zeus** – Yes you are.

 **Percy** – Okay. I resolve to never tell anyone that I have a jar of my mom's blue cookies hidden in a Nemo Plushie, which is in turn hidden in a Shark Plushie, the shoved behind the portrait of Poseidon in a secret compartment's safe, and the password is U R My Wize Gurl.

 **Annabeth** – You do know that you just told everyone how to get in there right?

 **Percy** – Eh, that's okay. I have a lot of them hidden all around my cabin.

 **The Stolls** – Wow, these cookies are good! Thankfully, we found all 26 jars hidden in Percy's bedroom!

 **Percy** – AHHH! How did you find them? *leaps onto the Stolls with Riptide in his hands*

 **The Stolls** – AAAAHHH! THAT HURTS! We resolve to never make Percy angry again! AGGHHGHGHGEHGHHIAJVFIAOC GCMJ PONCA Tphgroa topavnvtopaniocamkcmINHNOPA OAH MOJMKF CNAICTIHOOOO *faints on the keyboard*

 **Apollo** – Don't worry! I got this! *heals The Stolls*

 **Annabeth** – Well, that was interesting! And Percy! You made the password of your safe U R My Wize Gurl! That is sooo romantic! *drags him off to make out*

 **Athena** \- *separates them* I don't approve!

 **Poseidon** – Hey! Don't touch my son! And Athena, you just proved that I am smarter and much nicer.

 **Athena** – How?

 **Poseidon** – Even though I don't like you, at least I care about my son and your daughter's happiness!

 **Athena** \- *scoffs* Annabeth, my daughter, you aren't happy with that beach scum, right?

 **Annabeth** – Yes mum, I am happy with Percy! And you don't even care about that! *cries and leaves the throne room*

 **Percy** – Wait, Wise Girl! *runs after her and hugs her*

 **Aphrodite** – HOW COULD YOU TRY TO BREAK UP PERCEBETH?! *runs off to assist Annabeth*

 **Poseidon** – Yes, how dare you, Athena, for ruining the young couple's relationship! *runs to Annabeth to tell her that he approves of their relationship*

 **Artemis** – Despite the fact that I usually don't like boys, Annabeth is perfectly content with Percy, and you just broke a girl's heart! *runs to Annabeth and comforts her*

 **Hermes** – Sigh, shame on you, Athena. *goes to plan a trip to Paris for Percy and Annabeth*

 **Hephaestus** – Oh, the poor couple. *goes to make a digital frame for Percy and Annabeth so they can keep a memory of their relationship*

 **Hestia** – You just broke the peace of Percebeth, Athena! *goes to comfort Annabeth*

 **Apollo** – You tried to break up

Percebeth, Athena, yet

How could you do this?

*time skip*

*basically everyone went to comfort Annabeth, and Nico teleports them to Paris for a vacation*

 **Athena** – What? *goes in denial*

 **Zeus** – Order to the gods! Let us resume on our resolutions!

 **Dionysus** – I resolve to drink some wine. *sourly*

 **Zeus** – What did you just say?

 **Dionysus** – Er… I said that I would….um…. drink…..a lot of….Diet Coke, yes, Diet Coke! I never said that I would drink wine; no I never mentioned that word! *frantically*

 **Zeus** – Ookay?

 **Athena** \- *comes out of her stupor* I resolve… I resolve… *breaks down crying* I resolve to let my daughter be happy! *runs into the bathroom and wails like a siren*

 **Hestia** – Oh, poor Athena *goes to comfort her*

 **Apollo** – I resolve to get the New Haiku Maker 450 and recite 562852103826284682 haikus!

 **Artemis** – I resolve to disassemble Apollo, turn him into a jackalope, let my hunters chase him, and throw him into Tartarus if he completes either part of his pledge.

 **Apollo** – heh..heh..heh..heh *trails off*

 **Artemis** – What?

 **Apollo** – Hey Sister Arty,

You wouldn't really do that,

Tell me I'm right, right?

 **Artemis** – Oh yes I would and I would enjoy every second of it! *takes out hunting knives* Hunters, to me!

 **Apollo** – Wahhh! *runs away*

*The hunters all come to chase him*

 **Phoebe** – I resolve to do this more often!

 **Thalia** – Same here!

 **Hestia** – I resolve to attempt to keep the family peace.

 **Hera** – I resolve to make Annabeth's life a living Hades! MWA HAHA!

 **Hades** – Did someone call me?

 **Zeus** – Nope, someone was just swearing.

 **Hades** – People, can't you just swear with Zeus' name? Why doesn't anyone say Oh Zeus or Oh Poseidon?! *stomps off*

 **Athena** – You *sniff* will never *sniff* do that! *starts to sob again* Yu can't ruin my daughter's happiness! *runs into the bathroom again*

 **Demeter** – Oh, poor sweetie, here have some Fruit Loops!

 **Hades** – Shut up, Demeter! No one likes your stupid Fruit Loops!

 **Demeter** – Yes they do! Raise your hand if you like Fruit Loops!

*cricket chirps*

 **Demeter** – Oh, so no one really likes my Fruit Loops?

 **Hermes** – No, we all hate it.

 **Demeter** – Oh.

 **Hera** – Ok, back to resolutions. I resolve to claw Zeus until he cries for help whenever he cheats on me.

 **Zeus** \- *gulp*

 **Apollo** – Zeus made a strange noise,

I dunno why he did it,

I am so hot.

 **Artemis** – Apollo, the last line was four syllables, not five.

 **Apollo** – No, I'm pretty sure that it was five, not four.

 **Artemis** – Fine. Count to five for me.

 **Apollo** – Ok. One, Two, Three, Five! *confidently*

 **Artemis** \- *facepalm*

 **Hephaestus** – Here you have the one and only mathematician, Apollo. *sarcastically*

 **Apollo** – Thank You!

 **Zeus** – I resolve to go to Vegas and date a bunch of pretty women!

 **Hera** – Zeus, you are so dead. *jumps on Zeus and claws him until he faints*

 **Aphrodite** – I resolve to wash my hair with 7 types of shampoos, and 4 types of conditioners!

 **Artemis** – No wonder you're always up until 12:00 in the bathroom.

 **Clarisse** – I resolve to beat up Pricey Jokerman!

 **Poseidon** – Don't touch my son!

 **Percy** – That is, if you can even beat me up, Clarisse. *smirks*

 **Clarisse** – Oh, it is on!

 **Poseidon** – I resolve to annoy Athena until she tries to bash me on the head with Mexican Translator **!**

 **Hephaestus** – I don't think that's a very good idea. Anyways, I resolve to build something that can whack Aphrodite and Ares 24/7!

 **Jason** – I resolve to learn how to drive **.**

 **Leo** – Jeez, you are messed up, lightning boy. You already know how to fly, yet you want to drive? I resolve to steal all of Octavian's teddy bears and watch him cry.

 **Octavian** – Don't touch Mr. Snuggle Wuggles! *holds a hot pink teddy bear close to his chest*

 **Demeter** – I resolve to make all of you eat Coco Puffs!

 **Hermes –** I resolve to steal Aphrodite's 14 Karat ring!

 **Poseidon** – I resolve to visit Sally at least once a month!

 **Amphitrite** – WHO IS THIS SALLY?!

 **Poseidon** – Um... one of my naiad cousins.

 **Amphitrite** – ARE YOU DATING HER?!

 **Poseidon** – Nope.

 **Amphitrite** – Good. I love you, sweetie! See you back at the palace! *swims off*

 **Ares** – I resolve to marry Aphrodite.

 **Hephaestus** – I resolve to beat the living Hades out of Ares if he does.

 **Hades** – STOP SWEARING USING MY NAME!

 **Apollo** – I got a good haiku!

I am so sexy,

I look as freakin' hot as,

A m*th*rf**ker!

 **All the Gods** – AHHH, THE AGONY! *rolling on the ground clutching their ears*

 **Hades** – I resolve to never come back to Olympus on New Year's Eve.


	5. Percy Actually Does His Homework!

**Author's Note** : Hey guys! It's sooo good to see you again! I am really sorry for not updating sooner. I have a piano test and have been studying. Thanks to all the people who reviewed! (Ps, thx to IHeartHeroesOfOlympus for an idea for the second article!) If you guys want me to recommend your story, you can PM me, and I might include it in one of my articles!

 **Disclaimer**

 **S** : Hey Ja-

 **Leo** : -mes Dean daydream look in your eye,

And I got that red lip classic thing that you like,

And when we go crashing down, we come back every time,

'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of STYYYLEE!

(Style by Taylor Swift)

 **Calypso** : LEO!

 **Leo** : *gulp*

 **S** : I was just trying to say hi to Jason! Jeez! Anyways, Jason, what's up?

 **Jason** : Nothing, I was just building a shrine for Kym.

 **S** : Nice! Can-

 **Calypso** : LEO COME BACK HERE SO I CAN BASH YOUR FACE IN WITH A FRYING PAN!

 **Leo** : I don't want to!

 **Calypso** : GIVE ME BACK THE HEPHAESTUS-200-ULTRA-VIOLET-GRENADE-MISSILE!

 **Leo** : No

*the two proceed to chase each other around the United States*

 **S** : Meh. That's a daily occurrence anyways. Jason, are you still there?

 **Jason** : Yup!

 **S** : Can you say the disclaimer?

 **Jason** : Sure! Sapphire Aquamarine doesn't own PJO or HOO, only the storyline! Anyways-

 **Piper** : Jason! Why are you late for our date again? *drags him off to a fancy French restaurant*

 **S** : …

Percy Jackson Does His Homework! – Hermes, corrected by Athena

Read the title. 'Nuff said.

 **Comments:** **Happy** (All) **Upset/ Offended** (None)

 **Poseidon** – Hahaha! That's funny! But no, what were you realy doing, Percy?

 **Percy** – I was doing homework.

 **Poseidon** – Hahaha! That's funny! But no, what were you realy doing, Percy?

 **Hermes** – Read the title, Poseidon.

 **Poseidon** – Noooo, it can't be true! How could you betray me, Percy?

 **Percy** \- …..?

 **Athena** – I am so happy that someone knoew how important knowledge is!

 **Ares** – Oh yeah, where's the sunny twerpy medic?

 **Artemis** – I had Hephaestus ban him from the column.

 **Hephaestus** – Yeah.

 **Athena** – Back to the topic….

 **Percy** – Oh, I only did it because Annabeth somehow convinced one of he Hecate campers to charm the homework to stay with me until I finished it.

 **Annabeth** – You knw it's for your own good.

 **Percy** – I still don't like math.

 **Annabeth** \- *Sigh*

 **Athena** – Speaking of doing homework… Nananananananana!

 **All the gods except for Poseidon** \- ?

 **Poseidon** – Noooooooo!

 **Hermes** – I don't get it.

 **Athena** – When somebody does their homework, it automatically transfers them into my domain.

 **All the Gods** – Oh.

Thalico! – by Aphrodite, corrected by Athena

If you don't know what Thalico is (Artemis, I'm talking to you,) it is just the CUTEST forbidden couple ever! It is ….drumroll….. Thalia Grace and Nico di Angelo!

 **Comments:** **Happy** (Aphrodite) **Upset/ Offended** (Artemis, Hades, Zeus)

 **Hermes** – You are so in for it, Aphrodite.

 **Artemis** \- ….

 **Hades** \- …..

 **Zeus** \- …

 **Poseidon** – I think we should run…..

 **Artemis** – APHRODITE YOU ARE SO DEAD!

 **Hades** – HOW DARE YOU THINK OF MY PRECIOUS SON WITH THAT GROSS SLIMY LIGHTNING BRAT!

 **Zeus** – MY DAUGHTER WITH THAT DEATH OBJECT IS UNTHINKABLE!

 **Hades** – HOW DARE YOU CALL MY SON THAT!

 **Zeus** – HOW DARE YOU CALL MY DAUGHTER THAT!

 **Artemis** – THALIA IS A HUNTER! *leaps at Aphrodite*

 **Hades** – MY SON IS DATING! *leaps at Aphrodite*

 **Zeus** – NO ONE DESERVES TO BE WITH MY DAUGHTER! *leaps at Aphrodite*

 **Aphrodite** – AUGHGHGHGHH! NOT THE FACE NOT THE FACE! NOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL MAKEUP! *sobs*

 **The rest of the gods** \- ….

 **Hestia** – Let's move on to another…. Less tentative subject.

Recommended Fanfiction of the Week! – Athena

This week's fanfiction is….. Olympus Weekly, by Mysticalxx! ( **AN** : This is an actual, wonderful fanfic. Please check it out!) This is a wonderful piece of literature, with mostly correct grammer!

 **Comments:** **Happy** (Athena) **Upset/ Offended** (The other gods)

 **Zeus** – How dare the mortals think I am so petty!

 **Hermes** \- *mumbles* Actually, we all are.

 **Athena** – However, it is still wonderfully written!

 **Poseidon** – You can tell that they like me the best!

 **Hera** – No, they like me the best!

 **Hephaestus** – Hahaha! So funny! No one likes you, Hera.

*People all over the world cheer*

 **Artemis** – Who cares what those mortals want?

 **Athena** – We should have a poll!

 **Dionysus** – Tee hee hee! Pnk Fwufy Yunocorns dacing in ze renbaw! Anita, whazza pall? *faints*

 **Ares** \- ?

 **Athena** – He's drunk. And a poll is where people vote!

 **Demeter** – He should eat cereal. Everyone needs cereal!

 **Hades –** No one needs cereal, deranged woman!

 **Demeter** – Yes they do!

 **Hades** – On yeah? Care to take me on a bet?

 **Demeter** – Bring it on!

 **Hades** – Fine! I want you to take back all the cereal in the world for a week and see what happens!

 **Demeter** – What?! Everyone is going to die!

 **Hades** – Oh, no bet? Hmph. I knew you were just a chiken!

 **Demeter** – Fine! But only if you don't accept the poor souls that die because of that!

 **Hades** – Deal.

 **Demeter** – Deal.

 **All of the Gods** \- ….

 **Athena** – So, about that poll… I'll set it up next week!


End file.
